When is the right time to call a Relationship Counsellor?
Many relationship counsellors are faced with the daily dilemma of dying relationships. People drag their limp and lifeless partnerships to the counsellors door and expect the therapist to revive their relationship as if by magic. The reason for this is that people leave it far too late to do anything about a damaged relationship. Whether it be ignorance, fear or plain old-fashioned obstinacy, most folk wait until far too late to seek a professionals help.
There are a number of warning signs that if left unchecked may cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
We all complain about our partner at one time or another. That’s pretty normal. Perhaps they keep being late for appointments, and have difficulty managing time. Or they regularly forget where their keys are, or have trouble sitting still and relaxing. It is when those complaints turn into full-blown criticisms the first alarm bell has begun to sound. Once we begin to belittle our partner and undermine them we should start taking notice.
“He’s lazy and stupid, She’s selfish and uptight or He’s greedy and mean.”
Now we are talking about established relationships here, so if you catch yourself saying these things in the first few weeks of a new relationship; Run, run like the wind and don’t look back. If however these things are being said in an established relationship after years together, in private or out loud, then this is a clear warning sign that help may be required. Many people at this stage may get help from their own family; advice from parents or friends. Sometimes just being able to talk through a rough patch can be enormously helpful and can give us perspective and appreciation for the good things in our relationship. This is not always the case.
Another very clear warning sign is when one or both partners stop listening, now I am not talking about paying attention to light chit chat here. I mean really listen when there are important things being said. One partner may repeatedly walk off and refuse to listen, or even acknowledge their partner’s concern. They may be in a defensive mode, fearful of criticism, unwilling to be vulnerable for fear of being blamed and shamed.
Things can and do get worse, couples slowly detach their lives from one another, engaging in separate activities, spending less time doing the things they once loved sharing. As things progress down this trail people create distance in their relationship and begin ignoring one another’s presence, engaging in ‘Stone walling’. If your relationship has reached this stage things may be dire and you should give serious consideration to contacting a relationship counsellor.
External factors can play a large role in all of this; work commitments and children all can take a toll on even the healthiest relationship. Bad luck can befall any one and losing a job or ill health can create tremendous stress in a relationship, which may already have been stretched. A relationship counsellor may be able to offer strategies and coping mechanisms for couples that have fallen on hard times.
For a helping hand with relationship Counselling Brisbane or Marriage Counselling Brisbane try by getting some couples counselling Brisbane or please contact us by visiting this web-site at http://markkordubapsychologist.com/
Thank you for reading this article
Mark Korduba (Relationship Counsellor Brisbane) Speaks Relationship.